Readers say ‘Inland Empire’ pure California dreamin’; The Press Enterprise incites criticism about one of its own!

A week ago, this space was devoted to Jeff Girod, a Riverside (Calif.) Press-Enterprise columnist. He trashed North Dakota, a frequent target for scribes worldwide who don’t have an original column idea.

Our state is always available as a fallback humor option, just like President Bush is for late-night television hosts.

Girod poked fun — legitimately so — that North Dakota’s tourism guide highlights that visitors should learn about sodbusters. But he also was nasty with other barbs, such as suggesting that the state motto is: “North Dakota — at least we’re not Canada.” That’s an insult to our Canadian friends who visit often and are nice enough to leave money behind.

Based on the robust feedback I’ve received via e-mail in the past week, perhaps a more fitting state motto is this: “North Dakota — at least we’re not Riverside.”

Most responses didn’t come from North Dakotans defending their frozen turf, but rather from people familiar with Riverside and Riverside County. You see, Riverside is Exhibit A in proving that California is not all beaches, sunshine, palm trees, movie stars and tanned-and-toned bodies.

Saying it best was Todd Miller, who grew up in Grand Forks and lived four years in the Riverside area, which is known as The Inland Empire. Miller now lives in Orange County, a beautiful and well-heeled coastal area, but still works in Riverside.

“The Inland Empire is a desert wasteland with the worst air quality in the country,” he said. “The summer heat is stifling, and the air color is frequently brown and has the quality of a coal mine.

“The largest industry in the Inland Empire is garage crystal methamphetamine production, and some of the biggest employers are local gangs with national and international connections. The local traffic conditions are an embarrassment. A home in the IE, if you bought one two years ago, has lost about 40 percent of its value.”

Miller said the Inland Empire is the butt of more jokes than North Dakota, Montana, Norway and Poland combined. Except for his trips to and from work, he embraces Southern California with its therapeutic effects of the soothing sea breeze and spectacular seascapes. He’s not moving back here. But . . .

“When gridlock is intolerable, and the rat race is overwhelming, I often find myself escaping back to a calm July evening, sitting on my deck surrounded by several acres of land watching a gorgeous sunset over a pristine wheat field enveloped in profound silence.”

North Dakota has its drawbacks, Miller said, but the bottom line is this: “In no shape or form would any Riverside columnist have any justification for insinuating some sort of superiority complex over North Dakota.”

Yes, this would be like me mocking short men. Or chubby men. Or men who need nuclear telescopes to find their hairline.

Others had the same tone as Miller. For instance:

Steve Velaski, former Grand Forks resident now living in Arizona: “Riverside is a pit — hot, dirty, crime-ridden, inhabited by dirt bikers and George Bush supporters. I wouldn’t stop there to go to the bathroom.”

Michael Lopez, a UND graduate student who grew up in Davis, Calif., suggests Girod is merely grumpy because “he’s probably stuck in traffic, choking on smog and thinking a sodbuster just might not be that bad.”

Bob Pfeifer, a current San Diego resident who served at bases in Grand Forks and Riverside when he was in the Air Force: “Riverside is one of the worst areas for smog. My son had a bad case of asthma when we lived there.”

Ken Reed, a former Grand Forks Air Force Base airman who now lives in Florida: “I still consider Grand Forks County as home, even more so than the small town in New Hampshire where I grew up. In both places, everyone knew everyone else and greeted you with a smile and a wave. You didn’t have to lock your doors. Your kids were safe to walk to school or to play outside after school. The pace of life was much slower and calmer. Florida is where you live out your life. Places like North Dakota are where you live your life.”

Finally, this from Neil Elvick of Folsom, Calif., referring to famous columnist Dave Barry having a Grand Forks lift station named after him: “Why not name the new Grand Forks refuse disposal site after Girod?”